You are exhausted but your brain refuses to hand over the off switch. Nights stretch on forever and mornings arrive way too fast. This code belongs to the night shift brains, the ones who know exactly what 3:17 a.m. looks like from every angle. The hat cannot make you sleep, but it will keep you warm while you scroll, pace or finally give up and make tea. It is basically a wearable "yes, I am tired" sign for all daylight hours.

This diagnosis is given when chronic problems falling asleep staying asleep or getting restful sleep cause distress or impairment and are not better explained by another specific sleep disorder. The criteria here revolve around difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep and resulting daytime impairment. They do not mention the surreal familiarity you develop with ceiling textures and late night infomercials. The hat is a wry acknowledgment that chronic exhaustion deserves more than "try better sleep hygiene."